NUNAVUT
Nutrition North has reduced its subsidies to a handful of "core items," touting a streamlined and more financially efficient system, according to a recent federal government announcement.
The subsidy is now only applicable to multivitamins and protein powder.
"Food sure weighs a heck of a lot," said April Fulsdae, spokesperson for Aboriginal Affairs and Northern Development Canada. "We figure if we can lighten how much it weighs and encourage Nunavummiut to purchase those items that are subsidized, then we'll really be cooking, well, so to speak."
The beauty of powder-based nutrition, Fulsdae said, is it only needs to be mixed with water, which is naturally available to Nunavummiut across the territory.
Fulsdae said she was delighted with the new Nutrition North system. She said the brainstorming session which led to it was catered accordingly with protein shakes and plates of sterilized dust. Fulsdae said the lighter we can make food the more affordable it will be for all Nunavummiut under the Nutrition North subsidy. Other suggestions officials came up with at the meeting were to encourage chewing air as it weighs practically nothing.
"For example, for breakfast I can have half a grapefruit, bacon, a bagel and glass of milk, which may weigh a over pound, or I can take three Flintstones vitamins and down a protein shake, which would be only one quarter that weight," she said.
Fulsdae stressed that traditional diets are not being forgotten in this new setup.
A P3 agreement with a local country food retailer looks to start shipping a powder made from dried seal meat and reduced, dried beluga maqtaaq, around the territory as early as next month. This can be sprinkled on top of multivitamins or easily mixed into a protein shake, she said.
At a press conference in Iqaluit to announce the changes, Fulsdae was asked repeatedly if this announcement was some kind of joke.
"The Conservative government remains committed to strong, healthy families," Fulsdae responded.
She said Nutrition North officials are also working hard on a new seal-smoothie for dogs.
"I can assure you canine nutrition is a major concern for this government," said Fulsdae.
Finally, the federal government also highlighted in this announcement the need for Nunavummiut to ingest the under-appreciated mineral Aprilfoolsdayium, which one should take once a year to maintain good mental health.
Happy April Fool's Day, Nunavut! Your friends at Nunavut News/North hope you all got a chuckle out of this piece of satire, and enjoyed some good-natured pranking to mark April 1.
