Columnists


Guy Quenneville
Business Briefs - Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Mike Bryant
Conservatives: the Sunshine Party? - Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Andy Wong
Case for RESP - Monday, September 8, 2008
Walt Humphries
Of cranberries, mushrooms and caterpillars - Friday, September 5, 2008
Cece Hodgson-McCauley
Prime minister's visit to Tuk disappoints - Monday, September 8, 2008
Antoine Mountain
The summer that was - Monday, September 8, 2008
Tim Laity
The reason behind Labour Day - Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Bill Gawor
Star poop and mystery weeds - Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Navalik Tologanak
Cam Bay Tea Talk - Monday, September 1, 2008
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Conservatives: the Sunshine Party?

Mike W. Bryant
Staff columnist
Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Previous columns 

Well, fall is generally my favourite season of the year.

I took Walt Humphries' advice and went on a nice, long walk out to Bighill Lake Saturday where my hiking partners and I scored the mother load in cranberries, trout and hawkwing and hedgehog mushrooms (like the ones shown in the picture of me).

Apart from the mushrooms, the fall has also brought us the silly season, which seems to fit my modus operandi about as perfectly as anything else would.

NNSL Photo/Graphic

Western Arctic Conservative candidate Brendan Bell and his daughter Emily kicked off the federal election campaign with a little boat cruise with the Fishin' technician Sunday. Emily doesn't like the colour blue but she likes yellow. - Mike W. Bryant/NNSL photo

The election writ has been dropped and I reckon for the next few weeks whenever I'm not busy skinnin' burbot or stewin' hedgehogs, I'll take our federal candidates out for a little fishin' plus whatever other silly season buffoonery comes our way. Hell, only one person can win this riding but anyone can come with me and catch a fartknocker or two.

Conservative candidate Brendan Bell starts things off this week, and I have to say the local Conservatives have come a long way since 2004 when they brought in that guy who was wandering around downtown in Bermuda shorts asking homeless people what they thought of the sponsorship scandal.

This time they've got a man who knows the legislative process, a former MLA who's served in cabinet. Good stuff I'm sure.

We kicked off Bell's campaign Sunday with a little boating adventure to Tartan Rapids. Accompanying us was his five-year-old daughter Emily, who just started kindergarten, On Saturday she was with her dad painting his campaign headquarters Tory blue. Uh, oh.

"It's not my favourite colour," Emily insisted.

Blue, of course, is an icky boy's colour. Emily thinks yellow is the way to go.

Personally, I think Emily might be onto something. Maybe her dad and Stephen Harper and the rest of the Conservative gang ought to consider yellow as the ideal hue to represent their goal of making Canada a better place for everyone.

They can rename themselves, I don't know, how about the Canadian Sunshine Party. Why not, they've already changed names three times. What's another kick at the cat for the sake of getting it right this time? I reckon if they painted themselves up all yellow, no one, especially those bloody red Liberals, would ever be able to accuse them of being all dark and sinister ever again. They'd be just too darn sunshiny. What do we pledge? Sunshine! For Whom? Everyone!

Of course, that brings me to the question on everyone's mind. What is the prime minister really like? He's way ahead in the polls right now but some people still think he's a big meanie. He doesn't kick puppies, does he?

"No, it's a vast left-wing conspiracy to paint him as a bad man," said Bell. "I think people just don't know him very well. He's a very ordinary, normal, likable guy."

Well, I'll keep that in mind next time I bump into him at the grocery store but what are you going to do Mr. Bell to broaden you're party's appeal?

You know, the incumbent Dennis Bevington was a pretty cool cat back in the day. Heck, he even knows a thing or two about goldeye - one of my favourite fish to eat - even though he didn't have a fishin' licence with him when I took him out in my boat two years ago, which really annoyed me.

But anyway, if you look closely you can see Bevington busting out a jam while groovin' out to the Grateful Dead in that movie Festival Express back in 1970.

"I haven't seen the movie but it sounds great," said Bell.

And what about the Green Party? Not as nice as a Sunshine Party would be for sure, but what about them? Is Sam Gamble and the Green Party a factor in this Western Arctic contest?

"He's obviously in a difficult spot," said Bell. "Nice guy but they're just not going to be that relevant nationally."

It must be all that talk about the Green Shaft plan, or wait, maybe that's those other guys.

Anyway, we had a nice boat ride Sunday. We saw lots of people catching fish but we didn't get any. Sorry Emily, I know you really wanted to catch one but I guess I just wasn't on my game.

And I've got to apologize to Brendan Bell too. He stuck around to help me load the boat after we got back and was standing on the trailer as I was lining it up to take it in. The damn throttle is so sticky, I couldn't reduce my speed and I ended up knocking him into the drink. My heart jumped in my throat when I saw him go over but fortunately the only negative outcome was that he had to drive home in wet shoes. My bad.

In any event, like all the candidates I'll be taking fishin' over the course of this election, I'm sure Mr. Bell means well and will do a good job if he is elected. A big cheers to him for getting this Election 2008 fishin' coverage started.

Next week will be Sam Gamble's turn - you know, the guy who's party isn't "relevant."

- Mike W. Bryant is Assignment editor for Northern News Services