'Loss begins at birth'
Therapist says grief can be a 'powerful teacher'
Darrell Greer
Northern News Services
Wednesday, June 8, 2016
RANKIN INLET
Dealing with grief means a lot of things to a lot of people and none of it is easy.
Sherry Morey of the Pulaarvik Kablu Friendship Centre welcomes trainer John Koop Harder to Rankin Inlet during a service providers' fair in Rankin Inlet this past week. - Darrell Greer/NNSL photo |
The problem is often magnified in areas where mental-health workers struggle to get the message of choosing life accepted on a consistent basis.
A number of agencies and organizations in Rankin Inlet took steps to make people more aware of help that's available by holding a service provider's fair at the Maani Ulujuk Ilinniarvik gym this past week.
The event was hosted by the Rankin Inlet Spousal Abuse Counselling Program through the Pulaarvik Kablu Friendship Centre.
Following the fair the friendship centre brought in Winnipeg-based trainer John Koop Harder, a therapist with the Crisis and Trauma Resource Institute.
Harder conducted a two-day workshop this past week in support of local helpers who work with people dealing with grief.
He said everyone suffers with grief at one time or another during their lifetime.
"Loss begins at birth and continues on until we die," said Harder.
"There's a lot we can learn about loss through grief, if we have the courage to look at it, but it can be very hard.
"A lot of people try to avoid, minimize or deny grief, and it can create lots of other problems such as addictions and issues of violence.
"And I often wonder if grief has anything to do with issues of suicide."
Harder said while every community experiences loss and grief, some are hit harder than others.
He said he was thrilled to be in Rankin to explore the community's experiences with grief and loss issues.
"I like to hear what the community found helpful in dealing with grief issues, what it didn't find helpful, and how it can continue to support others.
"Everyone is going to cope with grief a little bit differently for a wide variety of reasons.
"It's more of a curious approach to take a look at what fits for different folks.
"Some turn to numbing out, which might make sense to them for a time, but we explore how long they want it to continue and things of that nature."
Harder said it's imperative to explore coping abilities and ways of approaching grief.
He said a lot of people tend to go on auto pilot, which isn't always helpful.
"Dealing with grief issues has become more professionalised, and we try to dissect and categorize grief to make sense of it, but it's hard to make sense of grief in itself.
"I kind of laugh when I hear the term normal grief because normal is very contextual, so I take that one with a grain of salt.
"Then there's what's known as complex grief, but all grief is complicated, although some more so than others, especially around issues of trauma.
"And then there's anticipatory grief, which relates to things like chronic illness or age, but, for me, the key thing is helping people understand what grief means to them and we're all experts on that."
People often deal with subtle and not-so-subtle pressures and expectations from society when it comes to the length of the grieving process.
Harder said that was another issue he explored with the more-than-40 people who attended the workshop.
He said he works with communities across Canada, and he will borrow some of the stories, ideas and solutions people use to work with grief.
"There's so much of a relationship between grief and depression, but there's subtle differences between the two.
"There's very little hope within depression and its constant downs, but, with grief, there's more ups and downs.
"You can hold some joy and happiness as you remember part of what was, as well as the loss of what is.
"It becomes very problematic when the sense of overwhelming and being non-functioning have been happening for quite a while, and, at that point, we have to ask if we've stepped over grief and into depression."
Harder said he begins his workshop by getting to know how participants understand grief.
He said many people find it very hard to put that into words, so he starts with art.
"Grief is a very individualist process, so we look at what it means to them, as well as influences on the process such as culture, previous losses and traumas, our upbringing and our family.
"We also take a look at checklists around how grief impacts people, and what it takes to support another person dealing with grief, which not everyone can do.
"We also discuss what we learn from grief, because grief is a powerful teacher that teaches us about ourselves and what we value in life.
"So, it's very important to understand how we learn and grow from it."
