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Parents and teachers talk teens Simon Whitehouse Northern News Services Published Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Workshops hosted by Yellowknife Catholic Schools' Do Edaezhe program last Wednesday attempted to provide a discussion forum with well-known Canadian social worker Dr. Michael Ungar. Ungar, who is a professor of social work at Dalhousie University in Halifax, regularly travels throughout the world to research teen and early adult resiliency issues. He shared some of his life's work that centres on engaging youth and building relationships that in many ways complement some of the goals of the school program. Similar to Ungar's work, Do Edaezhe - roughly referring in Dogrib to one who can skillfully survive in their own environment - focuses on youth leadership resiliency, mentorship, and community liaison support. Fundamentally, it seeks to develop potential leaders and connect kids with the needs of the greater community using on-the-land training. Throughout the day Ungar led discussions with staff members of Yellowknife Catholic Schools, Public Safety Canada and a number of other group representatives. at the Baker Community Centre. In the evening, he focused on concerns of a smaller group of parents and teachers at Weledeh Catholic School. Parents shared stories and challenges of raising teens and some of the struggles faced in getting them to do what they want. Participants considered Ungar's "Nine Things All Children Need," which include structure, consequences, parent-child connections, strong relationships, a powerful identity, a sense of control, a sense of belonging, rights and responsibilities, and safety and support. In some cases, the discussion became emotional as one mother spoke of her 17-year-old daughter and difficulties faced when trying to provide structure and contacts to supportive, extensive family members outside of Yellowknife. This, she said, is particularly troublesome for single mothers. "When you're limited to a family group and as single mom, don't have aunts and uncles for support, you can't provide structure because you can't get your child to come home," she said. "If you don't have outside support to rein them in, everything else starts to go and they get involved with people and things that you don't want them to be associated with." Much of the discussion also had to do with keeping open communication with teens, even in the cases when they choose to put themselves in risky situations that parents cannot control. In this case, another mother was concerned about not having a relationship in which she could connect with her teen to raise concerns. "Sometimes I don't understand the backlash of anger that is often verbally abusive when I ask a general question," she said. "How do you get around that? I'll ask, 'Did you go to school today? Are you going around tonight?'" Ungar suggested encouraging teens to communicate like mature adults, avoiding confrontational questions and ensuring teens they are loved and supported by the family. Ungar said his approach largely stems from trying to remain positive about teens and young adults. "Kids fundamentally want a parent-teen connection," he said. Dianne Lafferty, school aboriginal educational co-ordinator and Do Edaezhe project co-ordinator, said she was pleased with how the night went and somewhat surprised at how interactive the session became. "When it is a smaller group, it can be different and become very personal," she said. "But adults pay big bucks to learn how to cope and recognize supports. We (at the school) are just saying that we need to develop a lot earlier. The youth need to identify who their healthy relationships are and how to cope."
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