NUNAVUT
I came to suddenly. Alcoholics never wake up, they come to. I slowly lifted my head, opened one eye and surveyed my surroundings. Then the pain, the headache, the shame, the guilt, the "Oh, no. I'm still alive." I didn't know where I was, how I got there, what I did or what I said. Another drunken night. Another "I will never do it again" promise broken.

As I looked around I saw five or six bottles of beer on the floor and for a brief moment relief, "I am going to be alright," then the dreaded thought that if I drink again, I'm surely going to die.

I was very scared and felt very alone. Even though I was not alone that morning, I felt a loneliness I couldn't describe. I wanted to die, but I also wanted to live. It was very confusing, wanting live and die at the same time.

By now even those who loved me could not stand to see me destroy myself and they said enough. They wanted no part of me. I couldn't blame them. I wanted no part of me either. The only problem, everywhere I went, there I was.

By the grace of a creator I do not understand, I found AA that evening and I never needed to drink again. I was told to always remember why I needed to stop drinking. It has been a few 24 hours since that terrible lonely day with that God-awful hangover. I pray I never forget that scary morning.

In sobriety, I was given another chance at life and living in the process.

I've been granted many gifts. Without a doubt, the greatest has been re-discovering my roots. I was told if I am to have a sense of where I am going, I must know where I come from.

I was also told to do things I didn't want to do. So I spent time with elders. Elders represented everything I was ashamed of and wanted no part. But I was reminded if I wanted to sober up, not just dry out, I must do those things.

So I sat with elders, listened to them, took care of their needs, or so I thought. Now that I am more clear-headed, I know they were always there for me. They hugged me when the need was there but they also kicked me in the pants when I got lazy.

But what I remember the most was how they loved me without conditions! Little unlovable me! They made me laugh and taught me never to take myself too seriously. They also taught me the wisdom of living in the solution, not the problem.

Now I am very proud of who I am, where I come from and where I feel I am going. I value the wisdom and knowledge of the people I come from. I am learning to accept people as they are and where they come from.

I also found out if I am honest with myself, I like myself. If I like myself, I get along with others. If I get along with others, there is no need to drink.

I keep things very simple. I try not to give myself an excuse or reason to indulge. I try to help people and treat others as I would like to be treated. I remind myself that alcohol is NOT my friend and that I am sober today by the grace of the Creator and the fellowship and friendship of AA.

I remind myself that sobriety is the most important thing in my life and if I am to keep it, I must give it away. And never forget that awful morning when I was scared to live and even more afraid to die.

We welcome your opinions. Click here to e-mail a letter to the editor.