Andrew Raven
Northern News Services

Yellowknife (Nov 07/05) - Inuvik MLA Robert McLeod roasted fellow legislators on the final day of the fall legislative session, poking fun at everything from questionable campaign contributions to South Pacific jaunts.

The speech drew gales of laughter from even the skewered MLAs, ending the often contentious and fractious session on a lighter note.

Text of the speech:

My statement today is about what I might read opening a newspaper one year from now.

Premier Joe Handley has returned from another long devolution negotiation with Ottawa.

When asked if we are now a province, the premier replied, "The Government of Canada will not budge, so we are now a country.

"I will be known as President Handley. Everything here now belongs to its rightful owners."

(Robert) McLeod and (Floyd) Roland issued the following statement from (David) Krutko's trailer: "We are happy to hear President Handley saying the pipeline will now be built because, if not, we, in the Beaufort-Delta, were prepared to pass our gas somewhere else."

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Housing Minister David Krutko took fire during the last session for a $200-million scheme that would see trailers used in the construction of the Mackenzie Valley Pipeline later hauled into housing-starved communities.

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Nunakput MLA Calvin Pokiak was absent and was last seen with a wheelbarrow and chainsaw leaving Tuktoyaktuk, and heading for Inuvik, and saying, "If you want something done, you have to do it yourself."

Pokiak found little support during the session for an all-weather road between Inuvik and Tuktoyaktuk

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(Robert) Hawkins, in his attempt to become the first person to drive a Winnebago from North America to Japan had to abandon his trip after sinking the motor home 30 feet from shore.

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Charles Dent, seeking an easier line of work, has decided to take up ultimate fighting, with his first match scheduled for next week.

Meanwhile, Sandy Lee, looking for another place to release her energy, is hoping to become the first woman to come back as a man in the ultimate fighting octagon.

It is rumoured that her first opponent is known as C.D.

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(Kevin) Menicoche, frustrated with the lack of ferry services, spent this summer, along with (Michael) McLeod, rowing vehicles across the Liard River. Once a winter road opens, he plans to move to Nahanni Butte to teach aerobics classes with granny in the new gym.

(Brendan) Bell and (Dave) Ramsay, after doing the math and splitting their $2 million lottery win, were vacationing in Fiji, where they met (Bill) Braden, who is now a member of that assembly.