Yellowknife (Sep 03/03) - The Canadian Criminal Code was first passed into law in 1892 and since that time it has been poked and prodded by politicians and jurists in an effort to keep up with the times.

In many respects it is a triumph of judicial codification, covering close to 500 offences from public nuisance to first-degree murder. But if you take a closer look at the 1,737-page opus, you'll find a litany of strange laws that may leave many Yellowknifers scratching their heads.

- According to Section 97 of the code, anyone convicted of selling or bartering a crossbow without a valid licence could face a maximum of two years in jail.

Happily, the code imposes no restrictions on the purchase of chain mail or double-edged swords for those Yellowknifers looking to rescue a princess from the local castle.

- Several sections of the code are designed to ensure proper decorum when in the presence of Her Majesty, the Queen of Canada.

Breaking Section 14 will get you up to 14 years in prison for anyone who "does an act which alarms Her Majesty."

Wearing socks with sandals could fit in here.

The code also imposes harsh penalties on anyone who incites rebellion unless they do so "to show Her Majesty has been mislead or mistaken in her measures."

- Pranksters beware, indecent phone calls could net you up to two years in jail. So will lewd telegrams or cable communications (for those who haven't yet upgraded from the telegraph).

- Section 83 of the code prohibits anyone from participating in a non-sanctioned prizefight where the combatants have gloves weighing less than 140 grams each.

All participants, spectators, reporters and ring doctors who violate the law face a maximum term of two years in jail.

- Anyone who appears nude in the public view, even on their own property, is subject to six months in jail under section 174 of the code.

The risk of severe frostbite means most Yellowknifers won't even think about breaking this law.

- Not withstanding Pierre Trudeau's edict that the State has no business in the nation's bedrooms, Section 159 still prohibits anal intercourse between three or more people.

As long as there are just the two of you, however, it seems to be okay.

Violators could face up to 10 years in prison.

The code also prohibits bestiality and avoids any conflicts over what constitutes the act by stating: "bestiality occurs (even if) the accused and the animal are of the same gender."

Interestingly, drunkenness is not considered a defence for bestiality, but it is a mitigating factor in manslaughter cases.

- Speaking of beasts, anyone who defaces a brand or mark on a cow could spend up to five years in jail under section 444.

Also, endangering the life of a cow that belongs to another person is punishable by up to two years in prison.

However, slaughtering thousands of your own cattle is considered a sign of a strong economy.

- Defacing, retrieving, or concealing driftwood found on the beach violates section 339 of the Criminal Code and could land you in jail for five years.

There must be a lot of artists and home decorators in danger of a stay at Her Majesty's hotel.

- Under section 250, it's illegal to water-ski from one hour after sunset to sunrise.

There must also be at least one person on board, besides the skipper, to watch the skier.

The maximum prison time for each offence is six months.

- Anybody who fails in their duty to bury a corpse or offers any "indignity to a dead human body" could face up to five years in jail under section 182.

- Section 176 prohibits a person from wilfully disturbing a religious gathering.

Anyone who violates the "solemnity of religious worship" could be punished by up to six months in jail.

So be careful what you eat: "gas" may not be an excuse in the middle of the parson's exhortation to sinners.