Yellowknife (June 09/03) - For one Northern woman, child sexual abuse and the veil of silence surrounding it has a devastating effect on families, the victim's future and society as a whole.

This is one woman's personal account -- in her own words -- of the abuse she suffered at the hands of several men she once trusted.

Sexual abuse and assault affects the majority of young women in the North, but no one likes to talk about being molested.

No one is making an effort to stop this. This silence just makes it continue while lives are being torn apart.

I am 27 years old and am just living my life the way I always wanted to: with truth, trust and love.

For me, being molested all started when I was just eight or nine years old.

In school the teacher would have this room to measure our height behind a door. He would take us in one at a time and close the door.

I used to hate it when it was my turn because he would start touching me. I didn't have any breasts yet.

I remember asking my cousin, who was a couple of years younger than I was, if he did that to her and she said no. I didn't know where to go from there, so I was silent about it.

I left home at age nine to be sent to school in a nearby larger community.

Girls were on one side of the dorm and boys across the hall.

I was molested again from when I was 11 years old to 15 years old. This guy was much older than I was, another student, a distant relative.

I would be sleeping. I would be awakened by my blanket coming off, my nightie pulled up and this guy's hands on my privates. It was the most humiliating and disgusting feeling anyone could have.

But no one talked about this kind of stuff. Back then I never heard anyone talk of it. I was really scared and ashamed. I was just a kid, already confused from being away from my family.

Another time, I believed him when he told me my aunt wanted to talk to me in the middle of the night. He said she was waiting outside his window. I followed and he closed the door, grabbed me, put me to the floor, put a sock in my mouth, held my hands above my head and pulled my pants down.

He said, "Don't worry, I won't go inside you."

I remember crying so hard trying to catch a breath through my nose and wiggling and squirming to try to get away. I was wishing I would stop breathing and everything would end and go away.

When he was done he told me not to tell anyone, or he would kill me, then himself.

I cried and ran to a relative's place. My Dad's sister and her daughter were there visiting. They asked me what happened. My eyes were bloodshot and I was shaking, but I didn't tell them the truth because it was her son that did it to me.

I didn't think they would believe me or maybe they would even hate me.

This kind of thing happened several times. The boys who molested me were boys everyone knew, but no one suspected anything because I never told anyone.

The last time I've ever been bothered by a man, I was 15 years old.

A bunch of us were at a party, everyone crashed and I was half asleep. This guy, the house owner's son, who was my age, started touching me.

I woke up fast, called him names and left.

That was the time I made a promise to myself that I would be strong and not put myself in a position to be molested again.

In those years I never trusted anyone and hated men. I learned not to cry.

Only now am I starting to trust again. It's the most amazing thing just to cry and have feelings again.

People wonder why some young girls behave or become the way they are: do those people ever think of where those girls are coming from?

It's hard to respect yourself when someone has violated you like that.

I turned to alcohol at a very young age to hide every emotion I felt and pretended to be happy. I pretended to have no problems. My attitude wasn't who I wanted to be.

I became a light sleeper, moody if I didn't have a night of partying after a stretch of four days to a week. My life was like a big nightmare.

Now I have to work on my problems to try to close the door on that awful part of my past and open the new door to a wonderful future. Because I deserve it.

Getting pregnant was what saved my life.

If it weren't for my son I would still be lost and yearning to change and putting myself into a deeper hole. My husband and family are the best and most positive things that ever happened to me.

My children will grow up knowing right from wrong.

I'm not saying 'get pregnant to break free and escape all of this.' It can add to the problem for people who are not ready to face their problems.

You need to find a positive thing in your life and work from there. Hold on to your dream and keep trying to reach it.

I kept it a secret for so long because I was totally confused. I didn't help myself -- I helped the criminals, the dirty men with sick minds, by keeping silent and not naming them.

For years I wanted to get revenge and you know what? This is my revenge: telling the world of the awful men.

I hope the men who do this sort of thing will read this and be ashamed, embarrassed and guilty because you deserve to be humiliated.

Now I can feel happy or sad depending on my true emotions, no pretending. It's how it should be.

I have that look in my eyes again where I think I'm somebody, and I am: I'm a wife, a mother, a daughter and a sister.

I feel like a good person!

Three different towns in the North it happened to me, between the ages of 8 and 15; a number of times, from different men - - young and old, teacher and student.

Eighty per cent of my friends that grew up in the North have told me they have been sexually abused at around the same ages.

We all had the same question, "What goes on in these guys' minds when they begin to violate little girls and harm them for life and ruin their childhood?"

None of these women have reported this abuse to proper authorities, so there is no hard evidence or study to prove it. But it's happening and we all know it is. Let's break our silence, free ourselves and put the burden on the suspects. They should feel ashamed, embarrassed, and humiliated -- not us.