Cambridge Bay (Mar 31/03) - Darlene Tologanak has a story to tell.

It's a cautionary tale for all those young people in the North who may be tempted by the quick thrill of drinking alcohol and doing drugs.

Tologanak is 37-years-old and has HIV and hepatitis C -- the result of one sorry encounter five years ago at time when her life was spinning out of control.

Tologanak was born in Cambridge Bay. By age 11, her life taken a serious turn for the worse. It was then that she started drinking and getting into drugs.

"Everyone else was doing it and I wanted to get away from how I felt," she says.

Like many adolescents and teenagers at the time -- and at the present -- Tologanak was confused and scared and didn't know where to turn. Unfortunately, she says, her destructive behaviour would stick with her for most of her life.

Sinking into oblivion

When Tologanak was 23 she left Cambridge Bay and moved to Ottawa to begin a nine-month course in Inuit studies.

Instead of focusing on her studies, however, she turned to partying and was eventually kicked out of school.

"After that I kept going in and out of recovery homes," she says. "I'd have periods of sobriety, but I would relapse."

One summer day she found something new to try -- crack cocaine.

And by 1998, at age 33, Tologanak's life sank to its lowest point.

She met a man in Ottawa from whom she was trying to buy cocaine. When she went back to his apartment with him he produced a needle, in which he planned to inject the drug.

Having never injected drugs before, Tologanak asked for a pipe so she could smoke her share. When he told her one wasn't available she decided to share the needle with him.

"I just wanted to do drugs and I didn't think," she says.

Amazingly, Tologanak knew the man was infected with HIV and hepatitis C but didn't care. She wanted to get high.

Compounding her risk of exposure to the diseases, the pair also engaged in unprotected sex.

Following the experience, she decided to check herself into an Ottawa detox centre where she told a counsellor what had happened.

She says they were horrified by the story and immediately recommended she go to a clinic for testing.

Tologanak had to wait three months for her test results. She was at her wit's end the entire time, consumed by fear.

"I was thinking the whole time I had done the worst thing I could do. I had put myself in jeopardy," she says.

Frightening reality

Unfortunately, her worst fears were realized. The news was what she and many had expected - she was HIV and hepatitis C positive.

"I went into shock. I started crying. I was angry but mostly I felt fear," she recalls.

Instinctively, Tologanak wanted to run away when she heard the news. She wanted to get away from everything and everyone she knew.

Her fear drove her once again back to the bottle.

"Over the next year I drank the heaviest I ever have. I wanted to die," she says.

In 1999 she checked herself back into detox and entered a recovery centre in Sault Ste. Marie, Ont.

There she met a doctor with the Sault Ste. Marie AIDS Network who helped her deal with her illness and her anger. More importantly, he gave her some much needed information.

Tologanak says at the time she knew very little about HIV.

"I wasn't sure if I could give it to someone just by touching them," she says. "I was told I could still live a long life, but I had to quit drinking and quit the drugs so I could get on meds."

Yet, her life will never be normal again.

"I take six pills a day. I am also on anti-depressants and nerve medication because the medication has started to effect the nerves in my hands and feet," she says.

Now, five years after her diagnosis, Tologanak is trying to prevent the same thing from happening to others.

In co-operation with the Pauktuutit Inuit Women's Association, she was given the chance to share her experiences with young students in the North.

Two weeks ago, she brought her message back home to Cambridge Bay.

"I don't want anyone to go through what I went through and that's how education and prevention works by people talking," Tologanak says.

"Especially when it's somebody from their home town or from the Inuit culture."

When she was growing up AIDS was still a relatively unknown illness. Now, even far up North, that is changing.

Tologanak urges parents, friends, teachers and relatives to create a positive dialogue on sex, alcohol and drugs.

She believes it is the only way to protect people from heading down the same road she did.

What worries her the most is that, to her, large populations of teens in Northern communities seem to be turning to drugs and alcohol.

"It scares me. All I can do is do my best and get my message out but there is not much I can do. They are the ones that have the responsibility to change or not to change," she says.

Tologanak is trying to put a positive spin on her experience. She is trying to help others and that has given her a reason to live.

Yet she will always be aware of certain facts. She will never have children, she is unsure if she will ever marry and she still struggles with her addictions.

Most importantly, she will have to live with two potentially fatal diseases for the rest of her life.

"I still have a lot to deal with," she says.