Jennifer McPhee
Northern News Services

Yellowknife (Nov 04/02) - Elise O'Connor suspected she was pregnant at age 17. So her friend stole a pregnancy test from Shoppers Drug Mart and the teenagers went into the bathroom of Ryan's restaurant to find out.

When the result was positive, the girls burst out in nervous laughter.

At the time, O'Connor thought pregnancy was no big deal.

"People tell you it's going to be hard. And you think it can't be that hard," she says. "But when you actually do it, it completely changes your life. It's so hard."

"I was stupid enough to think I could do it without anybody's help. It wasn't rational. I thought I wouldn't have to depend on my mom, or tell his father. I'd be the perfect mom."

'I kind of wanted a baby'

Judging from statistics, the number of teenagers having babies declined over the past several decades in Canada. But the teenage birth rate in the Northwest Territories is still more than double the national rate.

In 1999, the teenage birth rate was 12.4 per cent, compared the national average of 5.6 per cent.

The question is: at a time when teenagers are bombarded with information about birth control, and when there are so many career options for women, why does this happen?

"I guess, to tell you the truth, I kind of wanted a baby," says O'Connor.

"It came down to the point where we were both drunk. I kind of knew what I was doing, but I just let it happen anyway. It's pretty terrible."

A straightforward, articulate young woman, O'Connor speaks with the wisdom of someone who has made mistakes -- and learned from them.

Her son, Kenneth, is now two years old.

O'Connor says some teenage girls, including herself, make a conscious decision to have a child. They have the misguided notion that having a cute little companion will solve their problems.

"I was really lonely," she says. "The friends I hung out with at school, I didn't hang out with a lot of the other times. I was always alone at home, and my best friend moved to New Brunswick.

"I guess I thought if I had him, I wouldn't be alone. I'd have something to do."

But now life is tougher, and often even lonelier. Around the time she became pregnant, O'Connor was kicked out of school. She was failing some classes -- the result of a non-chalant attitude about school.

She returned last semester and receives free daycare while in school through the Department of Education, Culture and Employment.

Now 20, she has many acquaintances, but few good friends. And since she's older than her classmates, she doesn't fit in and can't relate to them. This means she sits alone in all her classes, at lunch and during assemblies.

"Before, when I was lonely and bored, at least I went to school and saw friends. But now it's just a bunch of strangers."

She's no longer with Kenneth's father. They had an on and off relationship throughout her pregnancy. For a short time he lived in the house she shares with her mother, brother and brother's friend.

"I guess that's when we became a real couple," she says. "But it didn't work out."

Juggling school and Kenneth is difficult. Homework has to wait until after Kenneth is in bed. By that time, she's ready for bed herself.

"So most of the time I have to finish it at the last moment."

Missing out

During the teenage years, people struggle to figure out who they are and what they want to achieve.

To some extent, it's a self-absorbed process, but it's necessary.

But being a young mother means you have to forgo typical teenage behaviour and think about your child first.

It's not easy at such a young age.

"You miss out on so much and it makes you really angry," says O'Connor. "You regret the choices you make."

When snow first fell a couple weeks ago, O'Connor was bringing Kenneth to daycare.

"I felt like crying, trying to push the stroller through the snow and get to school on time," she said.

The day Kenneth entered the world, her whole life changed. But things also changed for her own mother, who is supportive and helps out with babysitting.

"She's a single mom, too. She already had to look after me, and my brother. Now there's Kenneth. I don't want to always ask her for things."

Of course, she doesn't blame Kenneth for any of this.

"He didn't ask to be brought into the world, to have a young mom who doesn't have any experience," she says. "It's not his fault."

Still, if she could go back in time, she'd make different choices.

"If I had someone there to really tell me -- to really show me how hard it is, maybe it would have changed my mind. But nobody did that, except maybe my mom. I didn't want to listen. Most girls don't want to listen."

"But if I could make someone listen, I would tell them -- your life is over and you start a new one as soon as you have a kid."