Nathan VanderKlippe
Northern News Services

Yellowknife (Nov 04/02) - Territorial politicians are like mushrooms, hunched in the dark where cabinet refuses to shine the light of information.

Or, the territorial government is fast sinking on a ship without bailing buckets. Worse, the political sailors trying to cup the water out of the boat are drunk, maybe even completely trashed.

When it comes to important issues before the legislature, politicians play a little game of one-upmanship, each trying to spit out the most memorable metaphor, and the quips above tumbled from the mouths of MLAs.

It's about chasing soundbites and it can be good fun for political spectators.

In the last few days, debates about abstract issues like "confidence in government" have bred a mosquito's brood of zingy metaphors and similes.

Water metaphors seemed to be particularly popular, especially since some people think the government is, quite simply, drowning in a sea of acrimony and non-confidence.

Take Floyd Roland, for example. The outspoken MLA from Inuvik said consensus government should be about a team of politicians paddling in the same direction, but sadly it's often about people thrashing water as they try to point the boat in different ways.

But the metaphor took a dramatic twist: apparently the canoe wasn't on the Mackenzie, it was hurtling down the Niagara River.

"It's not until we're heading down Niagara Falls, it seems, that the cry for help comes," said Roland.

The occasional Northern metaphor is called for as well, and Roland was at bat again, this time talking about the pattern of wrongdoing involved in the conflict-of-interest scandal.

"There is a trail here that the poorest tracker can find," he said.

"It can get rather boring for people in there. If you look at some of the legislation we deal with (it) is very flat. People have a hard time relating to them. When you relate it to some of your life experiences, people out there can relate to it," he said.

But Sandy Lee may have won the contest during this session when she said the GNWT is spending money like "drunken sailors."

Not only were her remarks repeated several times in the assembly, but another MLA played verbal construction, building on the metaphor.

Lee was initially speaking about a forecasted $60 million deficit. When the legislature was later told the budget could be as high as $100 million, Bell came back with: "If we were a little tipsy at $60 million, certainly we're bombed now."

"It's kind of fun to break away from the straight and narrow and use metaphors," said Paul Delorey. "It puts a little more humour into your member's statement. In some cases it strengthens them as well."

And legislators know that calling the government names can be an effective tactic at undermining opponents -- particularly when the enemy is cabinet.

Brendan Bell unleashed a cutting string of metaphors when he called the government both a "banana republic" and a "Third World" government in the same sentence earlier this week.

For politicians, language is highly important. Careers in public service can sink or swim on what a person says -- and how they say it.