Jennifer McPhee
Northern News Services

Iqaluit (May 20/02) - Mother's Day, the world's third most popular day on the calendar, just passed. And Father's Day -- created in 1909 -- is just around the corner.

Mother's Day just passed and Father's Day is on the horizon. Many people have parenting on the mind. Here, Tanya Curley takes a stroll with her two-year-old son Danny in Iqaluit. - Jennifer McPhee/NNSL photo

It's a given that around this time of year, people are thinking of their parents. But what do parents think about parenting? Caroline Anawak is the mother of 13 children in Iqaluit. Asked what she's learned over the years about parenting, she says. "Don't be afraid to state expectations at every developmental stage and age level."

Anawak says when expectations aren't spelled out, kids become confused. And when they reach the 'tween and teen years, this can lead to trouble.

"It's like they are there without a road map at their most vulnerable time."

To illustrate her point, she compares it to applying for a job.

"If they were given a job, they'd get a job description and be helped through it ... it's easier to get a part-time job than to figure out how to be a tweeny or teenager."

Explaining to kids what they'll likely go through at different stages also prepares them, she adds.

"So when it's all happening to them, they don't think it's odd or that they are weird," she says.

In the past, elders gave children clearly defined roles. Kids were given tools and modelled future roles through play. When they got their first caribou, they weren't allowed to eat it themselves. Instead they shared it -- and people told them it was the best caribou they ever had.

"It was training them to share, to socialize, think of others, to contribute," says Anawak. "There were real lessons learned from how people in hunting camps spoke to children."

She says this also lets children know they belong and have impact.

"All those vital things are being taught by how we speak to them -- to make more solid little citizens."

Throughout her many years as a parent, Anawak also made sure her family spent time together -- and the family always ate dinner together.

"Supper was supper and that was the time to connect for the day. We didn't ever let that go."

Still, she says parenting is a continual learning process. "You learn all you don't know with every one of them."