Men from around Baffin Island have taken a step to end the cycle of abuse
Kerry McCluskey
Northern News Services
Chesterfield Inlet (Dec 18/00) - Memories of his days at the Chesterfield Inlet residential school still haunt John Illupalik.
For years, the abuses he suffered as a child made him do things, made him act out in ways he didn't want to.
Decades later, he's trying to overcome all of that so he can achieve peace in himself and within his family.
"I'm a survivor of Chesterfield Inlet residential school. It's important to say survivor because I'm no longer a victim," said Illupalik, a resident of Iglulik.
"It used to be very, very hard to talk about all of this. There was a lot of fear, but now it's getting easier to talk about this very personal stuff," he said.
Illupalik traces much of the strife in his adult life to his time at school. He would not talk specifically about the circle of abuse that has hung over him, but feels better about himself and that he's on the road to recovery. Workshops like the one he attended in Iqaluit recently are helping him change his patterns.
The workshop
Organized by Simona Arnatsiaq, coordinator of the women's program at the Qikiqtani Inuit Association, the five-day workshop in early December brought 16 men from Baffin's 13 communities into the capital. Designed to end the violence women and children suffer at the hands of men, the workshop helped Illupalik in his quest to deal with his own trauma.
"My plan now is to keep working on myself," said Illupalik.
He also said he's learning to treat his wife differently.
"I've now learned to respect my wife's decisions," said Illupalik, adding that it was painful to go back to an almost empty house. He and his wife are currently separated.
"I have to respect her decision to be separated. The workshop helped me, but it was pretty hard to come back home not having my wife and granddaughter there," he said.
Illupalik intends to keep at the business of healing and hopes to use the techniques and coping skills to show other men in Iglulik how to end their violent behaviour.
Spreading the word
John Ayaruaq is also a survivor of the Chesterfield Inlet residential school. He attended the workshop alongside Illupalik and said he too plans to spread the knowledge he gained to his neighbours so his community can collectively work to end domestic violence.
"The workshop itself helped the men from the 13 communities open up with each other. They were helping each other," said Ayaruaq, from his home in Qikiqtarjuaq.
"The community is really looking forward to having a little get together to start a healing project for men." He believes that men must step back from the power they've assumed for years. That would give women the chance to be less subservient and would end the attitudes that teach men to abuse women.
"Men have been dominant most of their lives. They've been so strong," he said.
"We disrespect our female partners. We should start helping our wives, our sisters, our mothers instead of asking them for coffee. It's about time we started considering other people than ourselves," he said.
The results
While the effects of men working to end the cycle of violence won't be seen overnight, it's important that steps are being taken to start the healing process.
The organizer of the $88,000 workshop said it was this kind of project that made the most sense and had the most effect on Nunavut's communities.
"The approach Inuit have in ending violence against women and children is a holistic, community wellness strategy," said Arnatsiaq.
"Whatever happens in your community effects everyone.
"Men, women and children have to take ownership of it and make a commitment towards changing it," she said
