Kirsten Larsen
Northern News Services

NNSL (Mar 03/99) - We have all seen it -- a child having a temper tantrum in the mall.

Onlookers often think the parent standing by or dragging the child along should find a better way to deal with it, but no one really knows how difficult the situation is until they have to deal with it.

Paul Letour has two daughters, ages four and 15 months. Although he has never had to handle a screaming mall brat before, he has been helpless to "shush" his older daughter on a few occasions. Letour shared a fond memory of the day his daughter, not all too politely, told a stranger he should butt out while they were visiting the park.

"He sat down and lit up a cigarette, and she said in a fairly loud and obvious voice, 'Hey, that guy's smoking,'" remembers Letour.

"I told her 'yes, I see, and he's allowed to smoke,' and she announced again in a loud voice 'I guess this is a smoking park'....He turned his head a couple of times and looked and she went on about it. Eventually he just laughed because what else can you do?"

Letour knows that "shushing" doesn't solve the problem, rather, talking through the problem is often more effective.

"We don't really have a lot of problems," said Letour. "We just talk to them a lot and ask them what the problem is before it becomes a problem."

Charles Boulet, says he encourages his daughter, Quinn, and son Max to take responsibility for their behaviour.

"Do we have problems getting you to bed?" he asked Max.

Max was careful in answering, "Usually...usually not."

Charles asked, "What about in the mornings sometimes when you two are playing and we have to rush around making sure you have your socks.... Or what about homework when you have better things to do?"

Max agreed, and said, "I usually forget it."

Charles said that although it is a struggle sometimes for the children to do what they know they have to do, things run fairly trouble- free in their home.

"We've spent a lot of time teaching them to do things and do them on their own and be respectful of each other," Charles. "It's all part of getting them to be responsible and help out."

Children can change their moods and habits so quickly, its hard for parents to keep up sometimes. A parent support group has recently formed in Yellowknife to help parents keep up with helpful information meetings as well as lists of resources such as Web sites, books, videos and local counselling services.

The positive parenting support group, organized by a committee of the NJ Macpherson parent advisory council, has an open meeting for parents the last Tuesday of every month from 7 to 8:30 p.m. held at NJ Macpherson school.