NNSL (DEC 18/96) - The Christmas shopping days countdown is nearing an end, traffic in the malls is thickening, patience is in short supply and you still have no idea what to get uncle Herb this year.

Worry no more. Here is a compendium of unusual, wacky, weird and hot gifts. None are guaranteed to please all, but the time to be picky passed long ago.

The fur-bearing trout is an popular standby for pressured shoppers.

"Some people think it's real," noted Northwest Company Trading Post's Maria Bell, with a chuckle. The biggest of the furry fish, stuffed and mounted, will run you $44.80.

The Northwest Company also has the ideal Northern stocking stuffer -- "Genuine Imaginary Polar Bear Fleas." The little critters, carefully plucked from the hides of imaginary bears, are $3.50 each.

If ornery uncle Herb needs a little sweetening, go down the road a bit to the Trapper's Cabin, where you'll find fudge as far as the eye can see (almost).

The Trapper's Cabin sells 400 pounds of the stuff a week, said general manager Diane Rhoddy. Happily, not all is consumed by Yellowknifers. The store ships their decadent delicacy to such places as Montana, New Brunswick and Alaska, as well as communities throughout the territories.

If, as they say, presentation is everything consider the Genuine Cow Pie -- fudge lovingly formed into the shape digested hay takes when it hits the grass.

The Trapper's Cabin also offers customized cow pies. "People can bring in ballerinas, airplanes -- whatever -- and we'll put it on the pie," said Rhoddy.

There's no charge above the basic cost of $14.95 for customizing your pie, as long as you bring in the additions.

The Trapper's Cabin also stocks the fourth-best-selling toy in the U.S. this Christmas, Beany Babies, and, for those with a little more time on their hands than they should have, The World's Most Difficult Jigsaw Puzzle (it's two-sided).

What would Christmas in the '90s be without a hot new computer game?

This year it's something called Quake, which is kind of like Doom -- "a very gory, bloody massacre-type game," explained SSI Micro's Nicole Gaudet.

You've got the ideas now, so sharpen up those elbows, tank up the credit card, and get into the Christmas shopping spirit.