RANKIN INLET/KIVALLIQ
Women from across the Kivalliq travelled to Rankin Inlet to participate in the first women's healing workshop to be held in the community this past month.

Instructor Monica Ugjuk of Rankin Inlet, left, shows her skill at beadwork as Susie Kritterdlik of Whale Cove and Annie Siutinoar of Repulse Bay take in her style during a healing circle workshop in Rankin Inlet this past month. - photo courtesy Donna Adams

The workshop was hosted by Kivalliq Counselling and Support Services through the Pulaarvik Kablu Friendship Centre.

A total of 37 women from all seven Kivalliq communities participated in the threeday gathering.

Cultural support worker Donna Adams said the workshop was similar to the one held in Whale Cove this past July, only a lot more detailed.

She said the gathering was extremely successful, with a handful of younger women joining the older females in sharing their experiences.

"It was a good mix, and everyone just spoke naturally and were quite open about their experiences," said Adams.

"It took some until the very last day, before they opened up and shared with the rest of the group, but, overall, most of the women were natural counsellors and mentors themselves."

One of the most prevalent topics discussed at the workshop revolved around prearranged marriages, especially among the elders.

Adams said the women talked about the initial shock and trauma of the marriage, and discussed how they came to terms with it.

She said they were often discussing some deeply personal feelings, yet they'd still manage to bring their sense of humour into the conversation.

"It was absolutely wonderful to be part of it all.

"We broke into two main groups, so translations would not be a problem.

"We had two professional female counsellors from Health Canada take part, who travel across the country doing this type of thing."

Adams said the women who had their marriages prearranged said they grew to love their spouses as time went on.

She said you needed to share your strengths and have a common goal to survive during those times, and that brought the couple closer and closer together as the years went past.

"I don't want to make it sound like it was just all about survival for these women and their spouses, because it wasn't.

"They just naturally became partners in life in many ways.

"Many of them talked about, at first, not wanting to go through with it and marry the person arranged for them.

"They were young and not ready to leave home or get married."

Adams said many of the women didn't know their arranged spouse until it was time to get married.

She said despite the misgivings they may have had, there really was no choice in the matter.

"The prearranged marriage was what their parents and elders told them was the law at the time.

"It was a custom for hundreds of years in our past.

"It was usually the parents of the son who would approach a certain family and tell them they wanted their daughter as their daughterinlaw, and it would go from there.

"There could be many factors behind the request, depending on the time and the relationship between the different families."

Adams said many of the girls would have been told of their prearranged marriage somewhere between the ages of 12 to 17.

She said as contradictory as it may sound in some ways, being told of their prearranged marriage always came as a surprise to the girls, no matter what their age, even though it was something to be expected at that time.

"The girls, back then, would be taught so much and were, actually, being prepared for their marriage during their childhood.

"So, in that way, it was nothing really shocking to them, even though the whole thing may have been traumatic for some."

Adams said in addition to it being an accepted custom or tradition at the time, there were some really deeplyrooted principles and values taught to the daughters for when they had their own families.

She said the daughters were taught not to gossip, talk about their husband behind his back, or approach their inlaws with a bad story about their husband or family.

"These were all things they were taught never to do once they were married.

"So, yes, prearranged marriage was a tradition, but they were prepared for it in many ways, so it wasn't just thrown at them out of the blue.

"In fact, having them properly prepared was looked upon as part of having excellent parenting skills back then, because that's just how it was in the past.

"They knew what was expected of them, as far as their role within the family unit. That was very prevalent at the time."

Adams said another significant topic the women discussed was the loss of their spouse.

She said those discussions could be quite emotional, as well.

"Dealing with the loss of their partner is an ongoing process.

"They do their best to find ways to cope with the loss."

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