SOMBA K'E/YELLOWKNIFE - Sylvia mixed the pills into pudding so she wouldn't vomit. She cut to the bone in each wrist with a steak knife. Her blood clotted too fast so she kept cutting. She stabbed herself in the neck twice, hoping to find her carotid artery. She hit her spine, but couldn't find the artery.

Sylvia cut her wrists to the bone and waited to die. For six months she sought help for her issue of deep depression and was unable to get the help she needed. - Andrew Livingstone/NNSL photo

She wrote an e-mail to her friends to come find her body and laid on the floor, hoping to just fall asleep.

Looking at her, you wouldn't see a person struggling with depression. She has a full-time job and is in the public eye regularly, has caring friends and enjoys being social. She has even worked at a suicide prevention hotline, helping people cope. She understands the daily struggle of depression.

Abused at a young age, Sylvia, who approached Yellowknifer to discuss her plight, was nine when she first tried to take her life. She ingested a large amount of heart medication. Her heart stopped twice, and doctors revived her. Three years later, she tried again, and she tried a third time two years later.

"People who took pills were looking for help, for attention to deal with their issues," she said, flicking the ash off her slim, menthol cigarette, white bandages sticking out along the edges of her black wristbands.

Some time ago, she said, her friend laid her head on train tracks and took her life.

"When you get people who use guns and cut themselves, it's gone beyond just getting attention."

For years, the straight-forward and truthful young woman took it upon herself to learn about her problem. She always feels the wave of depression coming.

"In the past I knew what to expect and things you can do to prevent the downward spiral," she said. "It's an up-and-down thing and I knew it was coming."

She knew six months ago it was coming again.

Depression is caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain, causing a communication breakdown between neurons, eventually leading to depression.

"If you're a proactive person who is trying to make yourself better, then you go to some service out there and ask for help," she said.

Recognizing what was happening, Sylvia took action to get help. She called the 24-hour mental health care line available daily from 7 to 11 p.m. to people in the territory who may need to talk to someone about their issues.

However, she had to wait two months to see a psychiatrist.

"He told me he couldn't help me because I didn't have a psychiatric issue," she said. "He told me to go see a psychotherapist."

But that wasn't an option.

For years the NWT has had a suicide rate higher than the rest of Canada. In 1992, seven years before Nunavut became its own territory, the territory had 23 suicides per 100,000 people compared to 13 per 100,000 for Canada as a whole.

Over a six-year period between 2000 and 2005, 48 people committed suicide, 11 in 2004 the highest for one year during that period. 2005 was the only year during the six-year period to fall below the national average. 2003 and 2004 were more than than double the national average - 25.7 and 23.7 per 100,000 respectively.

There is no psychotherapist available to residents here.

"I knew I was suffering from a really bad bout of depression and I needed resources. I needed help and it wasn't there," she said. "It's not like I'm looking for free services. I'm an independent woman looking to pay for help."

Upon being discharged from the hospital earlier this month, two days after attempting to kill herself, Sylvia was given a list of therapists to try and contact. One therapist wasn't accepting new patients until September.

"That was all the tools I was given," she said.

Sometimes it takes an event to trigger the downward spiral, but for Sylvia, it was the lack of help.

"I was just tired, tired of asking for help and getting nothing. I felt I was too tired to go on.

"I have a problem and I attempted to fix it, and the health care system failed me when I demanded help. I went in asking for someone to help me before I could go beyond myself and make a decision as rash as I did."

Sarah Chrostkowski, mental health planner for the Department of Health and Social Services, said she couldn't comment on any one specific case, but said options were available to people here in the North and Yellowknife if they were having thoughts of suicide. The community counselling program is available at the family counselling office and has six counsellors staffed to help people.

"There is a wait list to get these services, but if they were at risk and having thoughts of suicide they would take priority and be brought in sooner," she said.

The Stanton Mental Health Clinic is currently understaffed and the wait time to see someone ranges from four weeks to two months. A similar waiting period plagues the family counselling office.

"If there is a risk of self harm, the wait list goes by the wayside and get people in," said Chrostkowski.

When asked about the availability of psychotherapists in the territory, Chrostkowski said she had no knowledge if any practised here.

Sylvia removed her black wristbands, unwrapping the bandages from her wrists. She slid her fingers over the two-inch scar on her left wrist. Without cosmetic surgery, she'll live the rest of her life with the constant reminder of how the system failed her.

"I'm alone again. I did a horrendous thing to myself and to the people around me and I'm in the exact same position I was in before I did what I did. I don't want anyone to have to get to the point I did.

"I don't know how much more of a red flag someone needs to hold up to show something is wrong."