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INUVIK - Here's to hating you at the end of the night.

"We went out and got a 60 of whisky, Crown Royal or Wiser's, I can't remember. I just knew it was going to happen.

Jason Franzen of Inuvik is attempting to make changes to the way he lives life. By giving up alcohol after years of abuse, blackouts and mistakes, the former Saskatchewan resident is facing life head-on. - Andrew Livingstone/NNSL photo

"She punched me in the face that night.

"I really thought it would be hard to quit, but I think it's harder dealing with what I've done. It is just time to stop. It's been hard for the last seven years."

The blackouts were normal. They came around the sixth or seventh drink usually, when things would become foggy and Jason Franzen did things he said he can't begin to understand why: two drinking and driving charges, numerous mischief charges, and physical and mental assault on the people he holds close to him.

Since the age of 14 Franzen has lived a double life. One life as a grounded, happy-go-lucky man with a desire to explore the creative energy he found in writing, art and music. The other spent blacking out and taking costly risks to escape the difficulties life threw his way - comfort found in a glass of beer or a rye and Coke.

"It's easier to deal with blacking out and not remembering anything than remembering everything all the time," he said.

Franzen has been a heavy drinker since the age of 14. He began drinking at the age of 13, but it became excessive after being diagnosed with cancer. He had part of his right calf removed because of the disease and treatment, making it difficult for the Grade 9 student to participate in gym class.

"My principal gave me credit for gym class in Grade 9 and 10," he said. "I got a fake ID and we'd sit in the bar during third period and drink beer, all through lunch until we had to go back for the afternoon. It really all started then."

For Franzen, now in his mid-thirties and living in Inuvik, the life-changing experience with cancer is when he believes drinking began to grip him. It was early when the blackouts began to occur.

"I'd have a couple beers and I know I shouldn't be drinking," he said. "I would just keep going and by the time I realized it would be the next day. It's always been a problem for me and I look back now and wonder why I continued to drink."

It was an experience earlier this month that made Franzen realize it was time to change his ways. Out drinking and in a blackout he grabbed a woman - who he was emotionally close to - at the bar and started to yell at her.

"I was just shouting and screaming at her. It was at the bar, in the streets, at my house. I would be good to her and then just start yelling."

Eventually Franzen was outside his house without shoes and a jacket, jumping into a snow bank.

"I don't remember any of it. I could've died. I could've froze. It really opened by eyes."

Franzen decided it was time to get sober. It wouldn't be the first time he tried Alcoholics Anonymous. He had tried when he lived in Banff, Alta, staying sober for three months after hitting a woman in a drunken rage that landed him in jail.

"I woke up in the drunk tank and one officer said to me he saw me around town lots and said I was the nicest guy," he said. "But when I drank I was somebody else."

Rosa Wah-Shee, mental health specialist on addictions for the Department of Health and Social Services in Yellowknife, said the road to recovery is not easy for some.

"It can take a number of years and several treatments before someone will make a full recovery from abuse," said Wah-Shee. "When they find themselves at the lowest point in their lives they want to seek help; at this point in time it's when they go out and make every effort to make changes and understand their past."

Understanding his past is something Franzen said is the hardest thing to do.

"I was running away from life in general since I had cancer," he said. "I told people I would have rather died than move on. I don't feel that way anymore. I enjoy my life now and I like where I'm at.

"I'm still trying to figure out why I did what I did and drank the way I did.

"I wonder why I drank for the last little while. It was never fun for me, I'd just get into fights and that's not me."

Wah-Shee said an eye-opening, life-changing experience sometimes makes people want to take a different direction.

"The change is possible," she said. "It might take a lot of determination and taking the responsibility and saying this is it, I want to change my life. I want to be responsible and contribute more to society."

Franzen has been going to Alcoholics Anonymous since the beginning of March. He said hearing the stories from others made him realize they aren't all that different from one another. Keeping a journal, something his counsellor asked him to do, he is able to better understand and confront his past.

"I hit three women in life and I'm against that," he said. "I wrote it down in my journal and I'd never written it down before. It was really hard because those three women are the closest to me in my life. I would never have done that if I wasn't drunk. It's tough facing up to the choices I've made in the past."

Two weeks into Alcoholics Anonymous, Franzen tried to drink again.

"I wanted to see if I could do it, you know? Like I was putting myself into a science experiment," he said. He had five drinks, leaving the sixth drink half-full. "I just didn't feel right about it. My mind was telling me it was wrong."

In his journal he wrote "For the better part of my life I looked back and kept looking back and back and it's time to look forward.

"I'm looking forward to my next AA meeting."

Next week's article will look at support groups like Alcoholics Anonymous and how these can bring positive change.