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SOMBA K'E/YELLOWKNIFE - The mood was sombre Saturday at Javaroma as mourners commemorated the 19th anniversary of the Ecole Polytechnique massacre in Montreal.

On Dec. 6, 1989, 14 women were killed in a senseless shooting by a young man who blamed feminists for his life's problems. The event has become a national rallying point for people to recognize and speak up about violence against women.

Domestic violence survivor Sonja Boucher speaks about her 11-year marriage in which she was nearly killed. She is flanked by vigil emcee Gail Cyr, left, and fellow survivor Mira Hall. - photo courtesy of the Status of Women Council of the NWT

w Dozens of people showed up at Javaroma to listen to the speakers, browse and bid on artwork and enjoy a coffee as part of a vigil to remember the Montreal massacre. Two of the speakers were survivors of domestic abuse and they told their stories openly and compellingly.

Sonja Boucher's marriage almost killed her. She was five months pregnant the first time her husband hit her. One Christmas her husband threatened her with a knife to her throat.

Boucher's marriage lasted 11 years. Her most resonant message was how difficult it is for a woman in an abusive relationship to end it. Abused women often return to their partners and Boucher asks that people don't judge in that situation.

She described her feelings at the time: "If I just tried hard enough and loved hard enough he could change, but you can't."

Boucher got out of a relationship recently where she perceived "warning signs" of a possible abuser including blaming, lying, name-calling and an inability to compromise. Boucher said the "honeymoon period" - the first four-five months of a relationship - don't really show you who a person is until after it's done.

Another personal testimony came from Mira Hall, now a frontline worker with the Centre for Northern Families, one of the sponsoring organizations of the vigil. She endured domestic violence in her three-year marriage and experienced sexual assault as a child and as a teenager. Saturday's vigil was the first time she spoke publicly about her experiences.

Hall's voice never wavered as she spoke of the abuse she has been subjected to, but her eyes were shining when she described the help she received from people who provided her with places to stay, transportation and simple emotional support.

Hall's ex-husband was present at the vigil, which she found very intimidating. She said former partners often attend events like the vigil and sometimes heckle speakers, but Hall's ex was quiet.

Most of the people at the vigil were women. Spencer Tracy, an adult education teacher at the Native Women's Association, lamented how some of his male students knew little of the Montreal massacre or about the prevalence of domestic violence.

"We all have mothers and sisters and in some cases wives. To think this is not a situation that's affecting us is unfortunate," he said.

Statistics show the prevalence of violence against women in the North is five times the national average. Born and raised in Yellowknife, Hall argued the problem has become so common in the region it's become almost acceptable, to her disgust. When she was 10 years old most of the girls her age had experienced some level of sexual assault.

"I don't find the normalization of violence to be an acceptable state," she remarked.

Women who speak out risk ostracism, she said, especially in smaller communities.

Organized by the Status of Women Council of the NWT on behalf of the Coalition Against Family Violence, the vigil raised more than $2,200 for Yellowknife's two women's shelters through donations and a public auction of artwork by local artists.