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SOMBA K'E/YELLOWKNIFE - How many times do people wish they could take back something they said in the heat of an argument or confrontation?

On Sept. 18 and 19 a workshop will be offered at Aurora College in order to equip people with the skills they need to handle difficult situations with diplomacy and humility.

The workshop combines elements of the philosophy of Aristotle and Sun Tzu. Aristotle taught us how to persuade people while Sun Tzu taught us that to subdue the enemy without raising a fist is the most important skill.

Verbal Judo is a course that was developed by Dr. George Thompson for law enforcement. It uses some of the key principles of Asian martial arts to help defuse potential confrontations. As in physical judo, participants use an adversary's energy as a tool to gain control of a situation.

Thompson, a former university professor, studied the way that good police officers communicate. He wrote an article called "Police Rhetoric: An Important Tool for Cops."

"All I'd done was talk about how the great cops were good at it," said Thompson. "How did they operate? And I'd defined it."

Darcy Pennock, a former police officer based in Edmonton, offers workshops in verbal judo. Pennock teaches his workshop to teachers, government workers, law enforcement officers, corrections officers and park rangers.

"The three hardest groups to get into a classroom are police officers, nurses and educators," said Pennock. "There is a resistance to want to take this kind of training. Unless you've had the skills and training in persuasion it's not something that you can pick up naturally."

The course teaches simple steps to follow when trying to deal with conflict.

"Parents need this training. The most disrespect you see between people is in the house," said Pennock.

He described how verbal judo works, using an example with his daughter at a birthday party. "Most parents use the three-step method. Tell 'em, threaten them and over-react."

Pennock says it's important to leave your ego behind and show respect.

"Always ask someone to do something. I never tell anybody to do anything unless it's an emergency. It's my delivery style. It's my facial expression, my body language. It's my voice. Ninety-three per cent of my delivery style is nothing to do with my words."

Pennock described the "box of influence." With a child it can be sugar or anger. With adults it could be drugs or alcohol. Pennock continued his story about his daughter. First he uses the rational appeal.

"I'll ask her as a sign of respect," said Pennock, "Next instead of threatening her, I will explain why.

"This didn't work because the box was so thick," said Pennock, "Next I tried the personal appeal. I give positive options, not ultimatums. I tell my daughter. 'If you want to stay here we're going to have so much fun. We're gonna have cake. The kids are going to be playing with toys.' I give her a positive image. Then I give a negative consequence. 'If you don't stop for a minute and do what we've asked you, then we're going to go home. 'Now the positive image is starting to dissipate."

This approach can be used in many situations.

"It works with my three-year-old," said Pennock. "It works with a drunk in a bar. It works with somebody standing outside a counter yelling and screaming at you. If a person has something to gain or something to lose, then you have something to use."