Jillian Dickens
Northern News Services

Iqaluit (Jan 23/06) - For 20 years, Annie Onalik was abused verbally and physically by her ex-husband. Those days are buried four years into the past.

Annie found a way to free herself from her husband's abuses through community services, the criminal court, help from friends and sheer motivation to save herself, save her children and break the cycle of violence.

Annie Onalik of the Women's Shelter and executive director of Nunavut Status of Women, Joyce Aylward, speak about domestic violence. - Jillian Dickens/NNSL photo

Last Friday, the last day of the Inuuqatigiitsiarniq: Working towards a Territorial Strategy to Stop Violence Against Women symposium at the Cadet Hall in Iqaluit, Annie spoke freely about her experience with violence, and how she stopped it.

More than 100 people from around the territory gathered to take part in three days of discussions.

For support, Joyce Aylward, executive director of Qulliit Nunavut Status of Woman, sat beside Annie in the Cadet Hall sitting room, while Annie shared her story.

During the abusive years, Annie knew what was happening was not right, but didn't know how to exit the situation.

"I kept thinking that I should get a divorce, but I kept waiting."

Her greatest fear during those days was for her children.

"He started beating me up in front of my kids and that was the worse beating I ever had," said Annie. "Now my daughter is eight and she doesn't want to see him or talk to him and it's sad."

The last time Annie's husband beat her was two years after she forced him out of her house. This was the worst she ever experienced and her son, who was 17 at the time, witnessed the abuse.

Afterward, he told his mom, "Mom, if he beats you up again, I will beat him up five times more. And mom, I'm sorry to tell you this but if I see this again, I'm going to kill him."

Her son never had to fulfill this promise because Annie never was hit by her husband again.

But she was hit with a far worse blow. Her 17-year-old son died from alcohol abuse shortly after.

During the abusive years, Annie resorted to alcohol for bravery.

"My husband went so I went. I thought, if I'm sober and he comes home drunk, I know I'm going to be scared."

She's afraid this alcohol abuse and physical abuse has effected her children. "When the kids experience violence, they're hurt."

That's where the cycle of violence comes in.

Mary-Lou Sutton from the Status of Women Council said boys who have grown up in abusive homes most often end up as abusers, and girls who witness abuse most often end up being abused themselves.

Annie said that by taking control of her life and freeing herself from violence she has taught her daughter to be strong.

"I feel proud and am showing my daughter to be proud. She has faith in me now."

While at a workshop four years ago, she related to the talk of abuse.

"All of a sudden I was thinking of the situation I was in."

So she spoke with the women's shelter worker at the time, Mary Potts. Mary convinced Annie she could change the situation.

The challenge, which Annie said is the biggest problem battered woman of Nunavut face, is that she could not leave because she had nowhere to go considering the extreme lack of housing.

She needed her husband to leave, not her.

"After so many years with housing, and lawyers and the RCMP I asked for their help. I asked how I could take my husband out of my place because I was tired of leaving my home with my kids."

Family Law was able to take his name off the lease with no problem.

"It worked because he knew he was going to go to jail because of his record."

Here, Joyce added that most women don't know they can go to Family Law for help.

Annie said her husband stalked her a couple of times, but has not bothered her in two years.

Once Annie made the first step, she kept on walking. She got a job at the Women's Shelter in Apex shortly after kicking her husband out, and has been helping other women change their lives.

She has spoken out at the Take Back the Night march, the Dec. 6 National Day of Action, on the radio and elsewhere.

"I feel confident today and it feels good to help others. I wish I could help more but they don't have a home to go to...But I just tell them what I did and that they can do it."

The symposium is a huge step in the right direction, Annie and Joyce agreed.

It is the first time individuals from all communities across Nunavut have been able to brainstorm and express their ideas of how to change.

"It's our opportunity for the voices to be heard at the community level," said Joyce.

The goal was to share what the root causes of abuse are, what the issues and service gaps are and what the recommendations for change are.

Annie's biggest recommendation for the government level is to build more housing. And if she could sit down with the premier or the prime minister, she said she would tell them they can help by listening to what the women and the people are saying. Annie said that at the community level, people must get together more often as a community to talk about the issues.

Individuals can step up and say "this is not right," she said.

Joyce said the symposium was a beginning step, and that not one community, agency, government level or individual can fix the problem.

"We have to work together, and if we do, we can change this," said Joyce.