Kathleen Lippa
Northern News Services

Cambridge Bay (Sep 01/03) - When Wendy Avalak's brother, Andrew, committed suicide in 1993 she was devastated. After a youth spent abusing drugs and coping with the death of her brother, Avalak counsels youth on suicide prevention.

News/North: When you get up and you talk about your brother, what are some of the things you want to get across to students and young people?

Wendy Avalak: What I try to get across is that it's not worth giving up your life because you're having problems. You're just leaving more problems for your community, your family and your friends behind. And every life is special. And that it's not worth going through what I had to go through with my brother.

N/N: How old was he when he passed away?

WA: He was 19.

N/N: Where were you living at the time?

WA: My dad, my stepmother and my brother, who committed suicide, and my half brother were all living in Inuvik, and I was living in Cambridge Bay.

N/N: Take me back. Give me some background on yourself.

WA: I was born in Iqaluit, and moved from there when was I was three years old to New Brunswick. I then left there when I was eight to live here in Cambridge Bay. Then I moved when I was nine to Iqaluit because my parents were separated. So I moved with my mother and my brother. When I was 13 I moved back to Cambridge Bay to my dad's.

I must have been 15 when I moved to Inuvik with my dad. So I graduated in Inuvik in 1990. Right out of high school I joined the Canadian Forces for 13 months.

N/N: What made you want to join the military?

WA: I was with Cadets since 1985. Just for the challenge, adventure and travel. But I was only there for 13 months.

Then I went back to Inuvik where I worked two jobs. Then I moved back to Cambridge Bay in January 1993. And I got married Aug. 1, 1994. I now have four kids (Violet, 3, Joanasie, 6, and Andrew, 9). But my oldest is adopted out (Colin, 10). And I have one on the way! And it's a boy.

There is a reason I got married Aug. 1. It was my brother's birthday (Andrew) who had committed suicide in November 1993.

N/N: Tell me about your family. How close were you?

WA: I had just one blood brother who is now passed away. Him and I were brother and sister, but we were also best friends. We were

inseparable until I moved to Cambridge Bay. That's when I left home for good. When he committed suicide I blamed myself for five years because I left him. It was very hard for me for about five years.

N/N: You started blaming yourself when it happened because you were not with him, you were separated from him.

WA: Yes, because him and I were with each other every day. (He was two years her junior). Even just to go to the store. If one of us was asked to go to the store, both of us went together.

N/N: How did you get through that?

WA: I guess I burned out. I got sent to Yellowknife, and went through counselling for a week. I guess the real reason I got out of blaming myself is with my job. I teach suicide prevention at the high school (in Cambridge Bay). I talk to students about my personal life. What I went through. I've been a community health rep for about seven years.

N/N: Was it hard to talk about your brother?

WA: At first, yes. I felt like I just wanted to get away from there and isolate myself, and not talk to anybody.

N/N: Why is it important to talk about it, though?

WA: It's part of my healing process. And it gets easier every time I talk about it. Also I don't want to see more young people giving up their lives and leaving a lot of people, loved ones behind hurting.

N/N: In those five years that you were blaming yourself for your brother's death, what did it do to you? How did it manifest itself? Did you abuse yourself?

WA: I had thoughts of suicide. I've never ever tried. But I had a lot of thoughts in those five years. I had planned twice, and left a note. But what stopped me was when I turned over and saw my kids sleeping. I didn't want to leave them behind trying to blame themselves. So if it wasn't for my kids, I don't know where I would be today.

N/N: Did you struggle with drugs or alcohol?

WA: Only as a child when my parents separated. From age nine to 12. That's when I was into drugs.

N/N: What kind of drugs did you do?

WA: Marijuana, hash oil. It was my way of escaping my problems. I took it really hard when my parents separated.

N/N: Was it easy to get drugs?

WA: For me it was easy. At that time people would use the young ones to keep drugs for them when RCMP were doing searches at the game hall. So they would never think to check the young kids. So that's how I got my drugs. Just helping the older ones so they don't get caught.

N/N: How did you get out of it? How did you stop?

WA: I moved to my dad's in Cambridge Bay. I was living under rules, being disciplined.

N/N: How old were you?

WA: Twelve.

N/N: And you've never wanted to use again?

WA: No. I would never go back to that again.

N/N: Or drinking.

WA: No. I never started drinking until I was 18 and joined the military. And I quit when I was 21. I only drank for three years.

N/N: So you live a clean life.

WA: Yes. Other than cigarettes. (Laughs). I've tried to quit. I quit for six weeks, but I was stressed out and started smoking again. I'll quit when I'm ready!

N/N: Would you say that you are happy?

WA: Compared to my youth life, Yes, I am happy.