Kerry McCluskey
Northern News Services

Iqaluit (June 17/02) - In honour of Father's Day, it seemed appropriate to sit down with a single father and learn more what it's like to raise a child. Derby Lavallee shows us that while it's no picnic, the experience is one that brings its own rewards and valuable lessons. B>

News/North: How old is your boy?

Derby Lavallee: He's four.

N/N: Is it a tough job being a single dad?

DL: Sometimes. If you have a full-time career and you work long hours, it can be hard.

N/N: You work full-time at NorthMart, right?

DL: Yes. I work between 45 and 50 hours a week.

N/N: How do you juggle work and a son?

DL: Day care and I've got good friends. I rely on them a lot. I have to because day care closes at 5 p.m. and I work until 8 or 8:30 p.m.

N/N: Do your friends pick him up from day care?

DL: I do and sometimes his grandfather picks him up.

N/N: Do you still have ties to the other side of Channey's family?

DL: Oh yes. They're still involved with Channey.

N/N: How long have you been a single father?

DL: A year and three or four months.

N/N: Did you ever think you'd be in this position?

DL: No.

N/N: Does it become easier to deal with?

DL: Yes, as the child gets more used to the routine, it gets easier. We're up early in the morning and sometimes we go to bed early at night. It doesn't stop from the morning until you come home from work. Then it's supper and laundry and lunch for day care and reading stories at night. Then he goes to bed and I have to finish my stuff.

N/N: What are some of the factors that make it most difficult?

DL: Probably doing it all yourself is what makes it hard. It's just go, go, go. If he's sick and I can't go to work, it's hard. But I'm lucky there. I've got two great bosses at work. They understand. I'm fortunate that way.

N/N: Do you have friends who are single dads, too?

DL: No, but I have friends who are single moms.

N/N: Do you want to have more children?

DL: Not right now.

N/N: What's the best piece of advice you've been given about coping as a single dad?

DL: Stay calm. Don't ever think you can't do it. I used to think that. It was hard. It was tiresome. Dressing your child and undressing him, bathing him. It's so much at first and you don't even realize what you're doing until something doesn't go well. Then you think, God, what am I doing? I can't do this. It's overwhelming. You just have to stay positive. It's so much fun, too.

N/N: Who gave you that advice?

DL: One of my friends. Her and her husband are my best friends. Their daughter is Channey's best friend. She told me, 'You can do it. You have been doing it all along.' Sometimes you have bad days.

Today is supposed to be my day off, but I have to work. One of my full-time workers is on vacation. Working in a busy store is like that. Sometimes that's overwhelming. But when it's my day off, Thursday is father and son day.

N/N: What kind of stuff do you do for father and son day?

DL: Father and son day starts with joint cleaning. Then we usually have a big breakfast. Then we do our groceries together. We usually write the list the night before because we don't have to go to bed early because we're off the next day. We do the groceries and go to the garage and we always go for lunch somewhere. We pick a restaurant. Channey loves it.

N/N: Channey gets your undivided attention for a day?

DL: Big time.

N/N: What are your dreams for Channey and his life?

DL: I hope he has an exciting life that is fun. I hope he learns something from this. When he's older, he will see what I have to do for him. He better not forget. He's a good kid.

N/N: You guys are planning to stay here in Iqaluit for a while?

DL: Yes. He goes to school next year. He's supposed to go to Joamie school, but his day care is downtown and close to work. I might try to get him to (go to Nakasuk school) by contacting the school board. It's easier for him and me because his day care and after-school program are there.

N/N: How do you plan to celebrate Father's Day?

DL: I don't know. We'll probably have a big meal and I'll invite some friends over. We like friends. We're friendly people.

N/N: When Father's Day comes around, do you reflect more on being a father and what that means?

DL: I always think about being a father, but I think about my own father on Father's Day. You never know what your parents meant to you or how much your parents love you until you have your own kids. You never think about that. But when you get your own, you're like, wow, this is a big thing. They did this and they did that.

N/N: How often do you see your own father?

DL: Not very often. They're retired. He's in the hospital in Montreal right now. My youngest sister lives with them. They're in Northern Quebec, just on the border of Labrador.

N/N: What is the biggest thing you've learned from Channey?

DL: Channey showed me how to be responsible and that you have to think more about everything you do. Like spending money -- you have to think about it more. If you want to smoke, you have to think about it. If you want to drive fast, you have to think about it. He's made me almost paranoid. No matter what decision you make, you have to think about it. It made me better myself. I feel good.

N/N: Are you happy where you are now?

DL: Yes. It's fun -- sometimes.

N/N: If there is one thing you could say to your dad, what would it be?

DL: Thank you. Thank you for all of your responsibilities. Thanks very much.

N/N: Have you told him that?

DL: Lots of times.