Richard Gleeson
Northern News Services

Yellowknife (Feb 25/02) - Sharon Low was born in Quebec but was given up by her birth mother. She has spent the last 13 years on a waiting list to find out the identity of her birth parents.

While she has not given up hope of finding her biological parents, she hopes it happens before they die. Her father would now be 67.

Soon after beginning her search for the identity of the woman who gave birth to her, Sharon Low received some enticing details.

Low's birth mother was five feet seven inches tall, weighed 135 pounds and was 25 years old. She received no pre-natal care and had been previously hospitalized for treatment of a kidney ailment. She was a vegetarian.

"Since then I've been waiting," said the three-year resident of Yellowknife. She points to a letter she received from one of the agencies that handles post-adoption inquiries in Quebec.

"Like it says in there. You get onto this waiting list and you wait."

Low's search began when she turned 18. What started as an act of teenage rebellion against her adoptive parents evolved into something more.

"There's a whole sense of identity that's not there," said Low. "You come from these people. I think you find out why you are certain ways that you are."

It takes some thought for people raised by their natural parents to comprehend the scope of Low's situation, one she shares with thousands of Canadians.

The only family relationships Low has are those she inherited from her adoptive parents. She does not know what diseases she or her daughter, Jasmine, may be genetically predisposed to, where her ancestors came from or how many biological brothers and sisters she may have.

Low's sense of disconnection ended in a profound way 19 months ago, with the birth of her daughter, Jasmine.

"It was so emotional because I finally had a blood link, a kinship that I had never experienced," she said.

And Low does not know if she will see her biological parents before they die. Her father, 35 when he conceived her, is now 67 years old.

The 13-year stay on the waiting list is nothing new for people adopted in Quebec. The province has the most antiquated laws of any jurisdiction in Canada.

Under Quebec law, identifying information will only be released if both the birth parent and the child they put up for adoption request it.

Even if both request it, the legislative restrictions on access to information are complicated further by chronic understaffing.

"Unfortunately, we are unable to respond to your request at this time. We have a limited number of staff" are messages repeated in one form or another in most of the correspondence Low has from Quebec.

The age of her father offers a glimmer of hope. Quebec authorities give priority on information requests made for medical reasons and those in which the birth parent is 70 years of age or older.

In the meantime, Low has been left to rely on her imagination to fill in the gaps.

"I've gone from one extreme to the other, from her being a strung-out druggy to a rich person living in a castle," Low said.

"It's not a controlling factor in my life, but its always there. I actually think about it everyday."

The bond between Low and her adoptive parents is no different than it would be if they were her biological parents.

The rebelliousness that initiated the search has been replaced by an appreciation for her adoptive parents that continues to grow.

"How many people would take in babies and treat them as theirs?" she asks. "My mother literally took me and my brother into her home and made a family."

Low's attachment to her adoptive family became evident three years ago, when her brother's birth family found him after two years of searching.

Though he had made no attempt to find his birth parents, Low's brother responded to an advertisement his birth parents had placed in the newspaper. He agreed to meet. He learned he had a biological sister and brother. Low was surprised at her reaction to the news that her brother had another sister."When he told me that, my first reaction was, 'Wait a minute, I'm your sister!'"

The reunion revealed two startling coincidences. Low's brother's natural brother was Low's ex-boyfriend. Though the search had taken two years, the two Montreal families had grown up within five blocks of each other.

Those coincidences have led Low to believe a similar twist of fate will be involved in her reunion with her mother.

It is her birth mother, more than her father, that she wants to find. She is aware of the disappointments that are sometimes the result of such longings.

Low said that prospect is not inhibiting her search, which some time ago moved from mailings and phone calls to the Internet. Low said she is looking for answers, not to establish a relationship with the woman who gave birth to her. She remains confident she will one day get those answers.