Dane Gibson
Northern News Services

John Sperry enters the Anglican rectory and strolls through the vacant pews. He sits at one and slides along, picking up a Bible at random from the back sleeve as he does.

The retired bishop has presided over many marriages in the Yellowknife church, and many more in Northern communities throughout the Arctic. When asked to remind us about the spiritual aspects of the union we call marriage, he laughs because the task is so daunting.

Nonetheless, he starts at the beginning.

"The institution of marriage is almost as old as human life. The biblical understanding of the union between man and woman has stressed that God is both a creator of humankind and the institutor of marriage between man and woman," said Sperry.

"The Old and New Testaments affirm this institution as God blessed and the basis of family life."

Sperry has been married 48 years so he enters the discussion as a long-time husband as well as a church official. Permanence, he said, has always been the "ideal and intention" of marriage but he recognizes times have changed. "There is no doubt that in the long history of the institution of Christian marriage in the Western world, it has certainly been questioned in the last half century," said Sperry.

"Reasons for this are incredibly diverse. The stresses and pressures of modern life have put an enormous strain on married couples and their families. The national life today, with an erosion of traditional moral and ethical assumptions, have loosened the bonds of marriage that were once very secure."

Sperry sighs when asked to comment on the increasing divorce rate. He said in North America the statistics reveal that more couples are separating through divorce than death.

Sperry is quick to point out that he isn't saying couples must stay together at all costs, but that a reasonable line has to be recognized before calling it quits. And before a marriage occurs, he says couples must reach deep within themselves to ensure that the prime ingredient for a permanent marriage is present.

"One of the deepest and most vital ingredients for the permanent marriage commitment is that of true love. It is in itself a reflection of the gospel's affirmation that love is the nature of our God," said Sperry.

"But through the media of today, with the soap opera culture commanding the attention of millions, the currency of true love is so diluted that it becomes difficult to recognize -- love has been packaged and presented to us as a passing and fickle emotion."

Sperry says the best way to know if it's true love is through soul searching and honesty, both with oneself and one's partner.

"In previous generations, marriage counselling before the wedding hardly seemed a necessity, but it has become essential today in order that would-be couples be as prepared as possible for what lies ahead," said Sperry.

"Constant, honest communication and constantly expressing your love despite the obvious weaknesses in each individual is the best guarantee for a long and fulfilled marriage union."

The conversation drifts to the secrets of the success in his own marriage and his eyes get a far-away-look.

Still lounging on the pew, he places the Bible he's holding back in its place. An image pops into his head and a slow smile creases his face. He tells of how his wife, Elizabeth, can tell when he's down without him saying a word. Her response is to put her arms around him and to hold him close.

"Those are the things I think of," said Sperry. "It's the little things that matter."