Glen Korstrom
Northern News Services

NNSL (May 08/98) - The Alison McAteer House, a branch of the YWCA, has received a much-needed funding boost thanks to the Canadian Auto Workers.

Union member Bonnie Nordahn presented a $2,000 cheque to Meg Dean, director of the family violence programs at Alison McAteer House.

"In this day and age, many women don't have the education or money so they are in (abusive) situations and feel they can't get out," she said.

Dean agreed.

"I don't think there should be different expectations of people. Everyone has a right and an obligation to be all they can be."

The Alison McAteer House has operated in Yellowknife since 1986 and offers a centre for abused women and children for six week periods.

Usually about 125 women and a similar number of children use the centre each year.

To back up the need for the shelter and money for education, RCMP Staff Sgt. Dave Grundy said there were 107 recorded violent spousal assaults in Yellowknife in 1997. That number is up 26 from the 81 recorded assaults in 1996. Even in 1995 there were fewer assaults with 93.

"There are subtle signs," Dean said, "such as men who denigrate women so no woman measures up and those who can't control their temper. They might be the ones who are angry and roar off in their car or who strike out at the wall."

Dean said rigid ideas of gender roles and excessive jealousy are also warning signs for a potentially abusive situation.

Still, violence and abuse can happen in both gay and lesbian relationships and even to straight men in relationships.

If someone is being abused, the centre offers several tips for them to follow. The most important thing for them is to not take any blame.

Then they should talk to someone they trust, make sure both they and their children are safe, think up a plan to protect themselves from being abused and to use available community support services.

One familiar pattern of abuse starts with building tension. The abused partner is afraid and accepts blame, the abuser Žnally erupts and gets violent, then there is a honeymoon phase of professed love. The abused partner is hopeful and feels loved.

"Alcohol does not cause abuse," Dean said. "But it makes people less inhibited."

Healthy relationships are where there is trust and openness.

"Good relationships are when he cares about your goals as well as his goals and there is some agreement about what you can reach together.